The Death And Return Of Space Giraffe (?!)

Hello.

Back in 2011, at an astonishingly low point in my life, I scribbled a drawing of a giraffe onto an A4 sheet of paper and scanned it into my computer using my parent’s clunky old printer/scanner. Then I inverted the colours so it looked like a space scene.

Space Giraffe (?!)

At this time, I was sleeping on a dirty mattress on the floor of my childhood bedroom (which had been converted into an office by my mother when I had moved out). I was broke, lonely and in a deep depression.

In a terrible state, barely functioning and armed with a beautiful drawing of a giraffe in space, I made the only logical choice: Create a blog to write recommendations and reviews of music and games that I liked. That blog was called Space Giraffe (?!).

It sounds mad now to think about it, but I had nothing else. I wrote about music that I’d get for free from Bandcamp and I’d get “thank you”s and shout outs from small bands and new musicians. Every time I did, I got a little buzz; a teeny tiny light in my oppressively dark life.

After music, I wrote about my other big passion: Video Games. I would write mainly about old games that I liked or niche indie and point and click adventure games. Sometimes I’d try to make a feature, like one time early on when I focused on the dungeon-crawler genre and a few articles about horror games, but mostly if I could get a game to work on my ancient desktop PC and I could get a screenshot of it, I would write about it. More on that later.

Tens of posts later and I was getting ‘likes’ and ‘comments’ from lovely people from the err… WordPress community (?) yeah, I’m not sure if that’s a thing, but hey, people were speaking to me which was really exciting because it was a rarity in my real life…

…and that in itself is interesting, because I really could separate my life into two parts at this time – My “Real” life which was filled with dread, shame and guilt, and my “Space Giraffe (?!)” life which was an oasis of creativity that I used to escape from the constant existential dread that I was suffering from at the time…

… and I’d like to talk about them for a moment. There was Laurie, who ran a blog about finishing her gaming backlog (was it littlesistergaming? I can’t find it if it was. YOU’D BETTER NOT HAVE DELETED IT LAURIE). We spoke a lot! She wrote a bit about one of our email exchanges, here, at around this time last year and I quietly read it and then, of course, didn’t respond at all because I am a Big. Jerk.*

There was Cary, who’s blog is still going…

Oh good. Lovely to see that I was making horrible references to stalking back in 2012…

… and there’s even still a comment from me sitting on her ‘about’ page! I promised then that you had a reader for “LIFE” and I guess, this is me proving that to be true. Cary’s writing is like coming home to a big, warm hug. Please go and check out all of her work here. In the modern age she also does videos with a couple of other bloggers who were around in 2012 as well, and these are also like coming home to a big, warm hug, but this time it’s a multi-media big, warm hug. Amazing.

There were Dominique and Elly and Chris and Sam and MANY MORE.

There were really odd times too (“Link Dead Gaming” anyone? My failed attempt to write a novel on a blog? The time I got someone else to write on the blog, then disappeared?) but then a couple of years later, I started to get my life back together. Space Giraffe (?!) became a totem that reminded me of when life wasn’t good, so I stepped away from it. I focused less on writing and more on multimedia projects (a podcast and some YouTube videos) squeezing out any power that I could from my ancient desktop PC. I was super proud of the fact I was able to make reasonably high-quality content in HD for YouTube on an old PC – It was a testament to the love and work that went into everything I made for the site. When I later got a new PC, it just wasn’t as fun because it was too easy. To work within such extreme limitations was what made it interesting for me at the time. When it was easier, I just didn’t feel as rewarded.

By mid-2014, I had somehow got a job and a girlfriend again. Blogging and creating became an afterthought.

Then, I deleted everything.

I still don’t understand why I did it, but I am guess it was because I didn’t want to remember the bad times and somehow forgot that so much good came out of my writing and creating.

Fast-forward to now and my life could not be more different than how it was in 2012. I’m happy and secure. But something is missing and that’s why I’m writing this now. I want that feeling back; that little buzz when someone talked about something I wrote, or quoted me on their album marketing emails, or when someone commented on a blog-post I wrote. What was most satisfying for me was the fulfilling feeling of finishing an article or a video or editing a podcast. I want that feeling back. I want my Space Giraffe (?!) back.

So, what’s the plan? Space Giraffe (?!) is going to focus on computer and video games only. I want to post something big (a long-form essay or a video) about once every month and work my way along from there. I’m a little bit rusty, so it might not happen right away and I’m going to have to work to get it into my schedule, but I want to do this again.

I have another project lined up with my partner which will focus more on music and any culture that we care to consume. More on that later.

And, there you have it. I have returned! I am Space Giraffe (?!) and I am here again to write about Stuff and Things.

***

If anyone is reading this who remembers the old blog, hi! I’m sorry if I was weird, evasive or didn’t return your call/text/email/message. I evacuated from social media at the beginning of this year, but feel free to email me or comment here if you want to chat about the old times or reconnect.

*Laurie, from the bottom of my heart, Thank You.